An Ode to W. Edwards Deming at Holiday Time

The holidays have begun taking their toll on my sanity.

My eldest daughter has become inordinately fond of the mind-numbingly repetitive 12 Days of Christmas song and has been forcing me to sing it every night. If she were 5 or 6 years old, I would think her obsession with the song is a cute and mostly harmless manifestation of her excitement about the holidays.

However, because she is a precocious 11 year old, I am beginning to suspect my daughter is conducting a subtle form of psychological warfare. I think she is intentionally ensuring that I go to sleep with visions of partridges in fruit trees, geese and swans a-swimming, lords and ladies dancing, and golden rings (f-i-v-e of them) prancing about in my head. Perhaps she thinks this will brainwash me into buying more presents. Perhaps she’s right.

Whatever my daughter’s true intentions, it’s her fault that I had the annoying tune stuck in my head as I was, for reasons completely unrelated to the holidays, revisiting Deming’s 14 points for management. I thought I’d share the results with you.

The Twelve Project Meetings
sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas
with apologies to W. Edwards Deming

At the project kickoff meeting, my manager gave to me: a vision of constancy.

At the second project meeting, my manager gave to me: true leadership and a vision of constancy.

At the third project meeting, my manager gave to me: free quality*, true leadership, and a vision of constancy.

At the fourth project meeting, my manager gave to me: more vendor trust, free quality, true leadership, and a vision of constancy.

At the fifth project meeting, my manager said to me: “DRIVE OUT FEAR!”, more vendor trust, free quality, true leadership, and a vision of constancy.

At the sixth project meeting, my manager gave to me: constant improvement, “DRIVE OUT FEAR!”, more vendor trust, free quality, true leadership, and a vision of constancy.

At the seventh project meeting, my manager gave to me: seven weeks of training, constant improvement, “DRIVE OUT FEAR!”, more vendor trust, free quality, true leadership, and a vision of constancy.

At the eighth project meeting, my manager gave to me: aid doing better, seven weeks of training, constant improvement, “DRIVE OUT FEAR!”, more vendor trust, free quality, true leadership, and a vision of constancy.

At the ninth project meeting, my manager gave to me: lines between groups blurred, aid doing better, seven weeks of training, constant improvement, “DRIVE OUT FEAR!”, more vendor trust, free quality, true leadership, and a vision of constancy.

At the tenth project meeting, my manager gave to me: end to empty slogans, lines between groups blurred, aid doing better, seven weeks of training, constant improvement, “DRIVE OUT FEAR!”, more vendor trust, free quality, true leadership, and a vision of constancy.

At the eleventh project meeting, my manager said to me: elevate pride in work, end to empty slogans, lines between groups blurred, aid doing better, seven weeks of training, constant improvement, “DRIVE OUT FEAR!”, more vendor trust, free quality, true leadership, and a vision of constancy.

At the twelfth project meeting, my manager said to me: “We’ll do this together!”, elevate pride in work, end to empty slogans, lines between groups blurred, aid doing better, seven weeks of training, constant improvement, “DRIVE OUT FEAR!”, more vendor trust, free quality, true leadership, and a vision of constancy.

* Deming’s third point says build quality in; this has been widely popularized by Crosby’s “Quality is Free.” Besides, I needed something to rhyme with “three.”